Envy: The Danger, and The Invitation

This morning, I’m writing to you from the front porch of an adorable orange beach house, just steps away from the ocean in Imperial Beach, California.

My dear friends and I have spent the weekend mostly with sand between our toes, interrupting our time on the beach only to sleep and drink coffee and eat Mexican food.

There’s nothing like new and beautiful scenery to get me reflecting on the things that matter most. In the valley between mountains, in the air above the clouds, on a rainy morning by the lake, on the doorstep of the ocean. These are the places that I discover God, and often hear his voice in both comforting and confronting ways.

As I read through my journal on the porch of our beach house this week, I re-discovered a quote from a podcast I listened to recently. The host of the show said something that was both interesting and unsettling for me.

I always know where the Lord is going to lead me into big growth next,” she said. “All I have to do is examine the things I’m most envious of.”

Yikes. Envy. Good beach talk, huh?

She went on to talk about the envy she’s experienced around relationships, lifestyle, romance, and job success, and how her desire for what others had (or seemed to have) fueled her into asking important questions.

Her words didn’t sit right with me at first. It sounded icky that God might allow envy in our hearts, even if the purpose is to lead us or teach us.

I decided right then that I didn’t believe this to be true about God. I don’t believe God instructs us away from something – like envy – only to use that very thing to tease us or manipulate us.

And God’s instructions are clear on envy:

“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” Exodus 20:17

The Message version of this commandment puts it this way: “Do not set your heart on anything that is your neighbor’s.”

Our Good Father tells us where we should and should not set our hearts, and he tells us that envy is not a safe place.

God cautions us against envy for our good. I think He saw from the beginning what envy does to fragile human hearts, and He invites us not to hang out there. He knows we’ll encounter envy in our broken world. He knows we will hunger for things that are just out of our reach. He knows we will crave a life, a job, an image, and a circumstance not our own, taking our eyes off of God’s gifts and exact purposes for our lives and putting our focus on lack.

He knows envy’s sting, and that’s precisely why he tells us not to camp there. Feel that sting, He says, but then move on.

Don’t set your heart there.

“A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” Proverbs 14:30

“If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” Galatians 5:26

“So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander.” 1 Peter 2:1

That podcast discussion made me wonder if maybe it’s helpful and even hopeful to engage with our envy a little. Not to let it run rampant, but to stare it in the face and examine where it came from.

What if envy can be the jumping off point for good and important questions? For examining our hearts to get to the root of our emotions and true desires?

Maybe looking at the root of my envy can show me where I am in need of God’s care and leading.

Maybe envy is the beginning of a thought process that eventually reveals what I desire for my life, or what I’m being called into.

Maybe feeling envy is a signal to my heart to turn my eyes off of the people beside me and instead train my focus on the relationships and work that I’ve been given.

Maybe the danger of envy is in camping there, and the invitation from our Good Father is simply this: To move on.

Maybe the point is that even if we start there, we don’t stay there. 

I don’t believe God uses envy to tease us or torture us. But I do believe that God is in the business of taking our sin – our envy, our longing, our desire for the things of this world – and redeeming it for good. I do believe God is in the business of retraining our focus to align with our best selves and His good calling for our lives.

And maybe that’s what the podcast host was saying. Not that envy is a place to look for truth, but that envy is the staring point from which you can travel toward truth.

Friends, if you get anything out of this, let it be that there is hope here.

No sin we struggle with is beyond God’s hope and healing, and this is absolutely true of envy. In the same way the natural beauty and power of the ocean can exfoliate your skin and wash away debris from the beach, God’s beauty and power is refining and revitalizing your very heart.

Let’s show envy Who is boss.  If we envy our neighbor’s job, let’s take a class to see if that’s something we might be good at. If we envy travel, let’s get something on the calendar. If we envy her friendships, let’s invite our own dear friends out for coffee more often.

Let’s not camp there. Let us believe in His abundant provision in our lives.

Recently, I decided that one of my goals for this blog is to offer more questions than answers. I want this to be a place where we wrestle with tough and important questions together, ultimately pointing one another to our best selves and towards God’s good call on each of our stories.

So today, as you participate with me in the messy middle, here are some questions we can ask and return to when we’re battling envy.

  1. What do I actually envy? Her lifestyle and home and relationship seem put-together and idyllic compared to mine. But what is the heart of my desire? Reputation? Comfort? Companionship?
  2. What does that envy tell me about what I believe? Do I believe that my life is lacking? Do I believe that she must have it easier? Do I believe that there is unfairness in what I have been given? How can I talk to God about that?
  3. What does that envy tell me about what I value? Do I value possessions, appearance, perfection or control?
  4. What is the next step? What does my envy tell me about what my priorities are, and how can I reflect my priorities in my schedule in the coming weeks?
  5. How can God’s truth bring light to what I’m feeling?

Thanks be to our Good Father, who is ever in the business of turning our hurt into His hope. Amen.

An Ode to the Group Text Message

If you know what’s good for you, you’ve seen Jimmy Fallon’s weekly segment titled “Thank You Notes.” He waxes on about some of life’s greatest mysteries and quirks and ridiculous brands, but in the form of a “thank you,” so it’s a little kinder. And also hilarious.

(If you have not seen one of these bits – you poor soul – here’s a great place to begin. Ooh, or this segment. Or this one. Okay. They’re all good, y’all.)

Now that we have that out of the way…

This post is going to be sorta like one of Jimmy’s thank you notes. But it’s from me. And the object of my affection?

Group text messages.

Now before you go muting your notifications, do allow me to elaborate.

Group text messages have become a dear – and essential – part of my life in the past year. They connect me with all sorts of people in all sorts of areas of my life with all sorts of ease! (No, this is not a paid endorsement).

I have a group text with my mom, dad and sister, perfect for when mom needs to remind us of the birthday of a distant relative, or when dad has an update about car insurance. Or – most frequently – when we’ve all gone over on our cell phone data usage for the month and mom whips out the angry-face emoji.

I also have a group text going with just my mom and my sister for updates on all things Starbucks, shopping, spring break plans and checking account overages. (“WHODUNNNIT THIS TIME?!” -Mom)

There’s a group text between the members of our office (a total of five people, you guys). This feed usually indicates whether or not anyone is going to be physically in the office on any given day. Because of the nature of our work, my boss and coworkers are often attending events, networking, meeting with the clients we write for, or traveling to other cities and offices. So, sometimes there aren’t very many folks actually in the building. In addition, because of meetings or events, my Boulder-based coworkers often decide to WFH (“Work From Home.” I know, the acronym is a bit much in my opinion). And sometimes, I get their WFH notifications as I am literally stepping off the commuter train a block away from our building. And I spend the entire day solo in an echo-y office, rather than WFH-ing in my PJs. So, a lot of good that group text does for me. #Technology, y’all.

Okay, on to better examples.

I have a group text going with a group of girlfriends that I absolutely love. We spent a weekend in the mountains together this September and it was just glorious. We roomed together and zip-lined together, ate together and walked to events together. And in just a handful of hours, we knew something special had formed between us. A sisterhood. A bond. In short, the makings of a group text.

Now, we text quotes and photos to each other – some hilarious, some heart-warming, and some that remind us of each other and that weekend. We make plans and fill each other in on big life events. All with the help of emojis, through which most emotions can be expressed, am I right?? Can we take a blog moment of silence to appreciate the all-knowing, all-edifying invention that is the emoji?!

To enforce my point…below is a screen shot of one very special era in this particular group messaging saga:

Group Text

Despite the few shortcomings of the emoji keyboard – such as the exclusion of cheese, tacos, popcorn and other major food groups – there are many and varied ways to get your point across.

Anyway. Now you know why this group text – among many – is indeed a blessing in my life.

There is also a year-old group text message going for our small group, which I dare say is the envy of church community groups worldwide. We text out prayer requests, meeting updates, requests for snacks, birthday wishes, and ‘I-love-you’s. Other frequent appearances include “SOS,” “OMG,” and “send wine.” Enough said.

On some days, if I’m away from my phone for longer than 20 minutes, I will have dozens of notifications waiting for me from my trusty small group text feed.

In particular, this tends to happen when most of the group is going to a church service/birthday party/other miscellaneous event. For instance…

Setting: Ten minutes before an event

  • Texter A: “Is anyone here yet?”
  • Texter B: “I’m here!! But I can’t find a parking space!!!”
  • Texter A: “I’m pulling in now, right next to the orange van!!”
  • Texter B: “What orange van? The one that says ‘Penske’?”
  • Texter A: “Those vans are yellow. So no.”
  • Texter C: “Running late, but I’ll be there soon!”
  • Texter D: “I’m inside at the bathroom.”

All well and good, friends. But if you’re not attending this event, you can see how 65 notifications like the ones above might cause you some angst.

Thankfully, there have been many technological advancements in the group text message of late that can help manage the madness! Now you can add people to an existing conversation, give every person a cute photo to accompany their messages, share your current location so your buddies can find you (to avoid the situation above). And, yes – you can even mute all notifications from that one group that is texting you their every move at an event you weren’t able to attend. Hallelujah for that.

All of this is to say that 1) it’s truly a great time to be alive, in the era of the group text message, and 2) I am really just all-out thankful for these people. My beloved group-texters.

The ones that love me well and enough to text me dozens of times an hour and invite me to church with them. The ones that include me and put a little photo of me in their phone next to my contact info. The ones who have the sunflowers next to their names (you know who you are).

I am incredibly, deeply, cup-overflowing-ly happy in this season of my life. I have friends who are kind, wise, giving and visionary people, and they want to hang out with me just as much as I love to hang out with them. What a treasure this is. I am discovering my gifts and trying to steward them well, which is thrilling and terrifying at once, the best kind of adventure. I am growing and walking with God in ways that I used to think were out of reach for me, which testifies every day to His goodness and kindness towards His beloved.

Now, not all of this can be attributed to the all-mighty group text message. But the people behind those group texts? Yeah, they get some credit.

They remind me that I am worthy, not just because of my notifications, but because of who I am in Christ. They affirm me with their birthday wishes and gentle reminders to look for God’s fingerprints on this earth. They make me laugh out loud (Natalie, I’m looking at you, kid) and cry tears of gratitude. And, when texting just doesn’t cut it, they bring wine and snacks over to my house, or invite me over to their place for pizza, for which I will forever be in their debt.

My coworkers. Mom, Dad and Natalie. Team Freedom. The Sunflowers.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your 65 notifications an hour.

There are not (yet) enough emojis in the world to express my love for you.


It’s Monday, and the little world around me is waking up groggily, sipping coffee and scrolling through Twitter, trying to wake up and wondering where another wonderful summer weekend went. Poolside afternoons have faded to pagers beeping and printers whirring and emails interrupting the 90-degree heat.

Hello, new week.

IMG_9490 IMG_9489 IMG_9492

I ride the train on these Mondays, these weekday mornings, and – although it could be partly the coffee talking – my heart is soaring. I look at all of these people, all of these faces, rumbling towards downtown on the light rail with me. Going to work and college. Some napping. Some reading. Some looking out the thick train windows, watching the pink sunrise cast the downtown skyline in a silhouette.

A lady is swaying gently to the beat of whatever is in her headphones. The man across from me is attempting to disarm the voice activation feature on his smartphone…and is thus speaking loudly to an inanimate object in the middle of a crowd of strangers (LOL). A jolly-looking guy with just a tiny bit of a belly is laughing heartily at the screen of his iPhone, and I wonder if he was watching Netflix or simply reading text messages from his wife.

Something about this time is extraordinary.

To think…God knew these would be our movements this morning. He fashioned us perfectly, purposefully, so that we could do these little things. Fill these spaces. Ride these trains. Be a part of the pulse of this city. Once upon a time, God drew a circle on the map of my life in the exact spot I am standing now. And the same goes for you.

I often wonder to myself, “did God actually do it all, sacrifice it all, craft it all…just so that we could do this? Live ordinary lives? Ride the train and shop for groceries and corral kids into classrooms and answer emails?”

“Did God make me so that I could listen to Phil Wickham on my afternoon run?” (current fav)

“Did God so love the world so that I could snap at my friends and snap at my parents, and then come to Him, repentant?”

“Did God give His One and Only so that I could stumble out of bed into a broken world every Monday morning?”

Answer: Yes.

This, I think, is one of the things I was put on this earth to tell you. Yes. God made, and God loved, and God gave so that we could live lives that are full – full of both big moments and ordinary joys. It all matters.  

Here’s the thing. God didn’t just plop us on to this earth as if by an afterthought. He didn’t just birth us in this country, in our cities, in our homes, and with our families as if by accident.

And here’s the thing – if you believe, as I so strongly do, that these things were not by accident, then it follows that nothing is an accident. Nothing.

I mean, it wouldn’t make sense if God the Father divinely chose certain events, certain encounters, and certain meet-ups to happen, but allowed other things to just slip through the cracks. Then he wouldn’t be the all-knowing, all-good, all-purposeful, all-powerful God that He is. And friends – HE IS. He knows. He’s good. He’s full of purpose. He’s powerful.

And yes, I believe that even the things in life that are SO hard, the fires that we’re thrown into, the bruises that we don’t feel like we deserved, the news that changes everything. Even the things that suck. These things are not God’s choice for His children, but He still uses them. Even our mistakes and the times we make big messes. God gives us the freedom to choose, but He still uses that stuff. It becomes a teachable moment, not treachery.

Why? Because everything is designed to draw us nearer to the Father. The good teaches us to know Him, and the bad teaches us to lean on Him with everything. The happy teaches us to praise Him, and the grief teaches us to question Him again and again and again until we come out trusting. He promised to make us more and more like Jesus, closer and closer to Himself, our whole lives long. And He is faithful to do just that.

He is crafting us into the finest Gold. The tools He uses take all kinds of shapes and sizes – good, bad, ugly and everything in between. But I believe so strongly that he chooses each and every shaping tool on purpose.

Friend, I’m talking to you today. Imagine I’m sitting beside you with a cup of coffee, or imagine that I’ve just sent you a letter in the mail.

I know how badly it hurts. That news, that person, that shattered dream, that anxiety. I know that ache. I’ve known it before, and I’ll know it again.

But I believe more than ever that you are gold. You are being refined with an undeniable beauty by a trustworthy and good craftsman. And that stuff that you’re made of is gonna shine brighter and brighter your whole life long, polished by moments of all kinds – ordinary, extraordinary, excruciating, and all. It all matters.

It’s a new week. The Craftsman is at work. So, take heart.

You are Golden, shining brighter with every passing Monday.