I am a single lady, and I am loving it. I love my freedom and my independence. I love my lazy Saturdays and my ability to buy plane tickets on a whim. But most of all, I am blessed daily by my many close friends who are also single. We go on adventures together. We play and laugh and get milkshakes together. We do brunch and happy hour. We fly across the country to visit each other. Life is overflowingly full and beautiful. This is a sweet season, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
If and when a man joins me in life’s journey, that, too, will come with sweetness. But I’m not there yet. Neither are many of my friends. And, if I’m honest, there are many times when I look on those future days with fear. I worry about losing closeness with my dear friends when they get married and start families. I’m scared that as my friends get married, I will somehow lose them. And – equally – I’m scared that I’ll be the first in my group to marry someone, and thus miss out on the single fun.
I’m confessing to you guys that this is where I am, and that this is something I’ve really struggled with in the past as well.
But. I don’t want to remain here. I don’t want to live in fear of change.
Rather, I want to hold my dear friends with open hands, ready to love and champion them into whatever the future holds. I want to celebrate each and every milestone with reverence and joy. And I want to dance at each and every wedding with crazy abandon, fully and wholly walking in grace and love with my friends as they enter into their love stories.
So. Today, I’m writing a letter to my dear friend. Whoever she is. Past and future. My dear friend who is getting married. Whoever you are, and whenever that happens – when this day comes, you will know that my heart has been long preparing to celebrate with you.
As I write this, we are in the middle of a season of deep friendship. We hang out a lot. We eat popcorn and watch our favorite TV shows at every opportunity. We work together in coffee shops, letting moments turn to hours, because we don’t have anywhere to be. We share late night talks, whispering our fears and our dreams in sacred, safe spaces. We have been on mission trips and plane trips and trips to the grocery store together. I can text you as I leave work today and, within the hour, we can be on our way to cocktails or Charming Charlie or the craft store.
I confess that I love this season very, very much. Because I don’t have to share you. Or if I do, I am sharing you with other awesome girlfriends who, by the way, also want to go get margaritas with us on Friday! Great! Let’s all go!
I haven’t yet had to share you with a boy.
I know this sounds very toddler-like of me. I like my play dates! She’s mine!
But today is the day that I’m allowing that lesson of sharing to sink in. Throughout our friendship, you have showed me the beauty of sharing in life, love, heartache and healing with another human. And today, you are showing me that beauty all over again. In a beautiful, sweet, nostalgic day dressed in white.
Today, I wholeheartedly, joyfully and fully share you.
You are so loved, my friend.
First, by God, who has formed you perfectly and purposefully. I have long been in awe of the way your personality and your charm is suited to your passions in this life. God made no mistakes and used no blueprints when He created you. In Christ, you are worthy of every good thing.
You are so loved by the man that’s gonna wait for you at the altar today.
He isn’t just a boy. I see that now.
He isn’t just an adorable person with glasses who buys you dinner and brings you flowers and rides his bike to visit you. He is a gentleman, a genius, a kind heart, and a portrait of Christ’s love for His church in the way he loves you. He is the most real version of that metaphor that you’ll ever encounter in your life, and this is a beautiful thing. I am in awe of it. It has been an honor to watch this love unfold.
You are so loved by me. I am who I am because I’ve gotten to share your memories and your talents and your clothes. You’ve shown me the love of Jesus in the moments you’ve cried with me and walked with me and sacrificed your schedule to comfort me. The love in my life is fuller thanks to you.
So. It’s time to go. This day is here!
Today, do not worry. Allow someone else to care for the details. Allow the weather to do what it’s gonna do. Allow the fullness of the present fill you with joy and awe of God’s perfect plan and wonderful gifts. The past and the future are meeting in the most breathtaking of settings.
Today, do not regret. God has used every part of your story – including our blessed single lady days – to prepare you for this day and this man. You are courageous for letting another person come so close and see you for your whole, beautiful self.
Today, do not fear. You are capable and strong and wise. You are joining the club with millions of others who have declared – before the world and before their communities – that the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down for another. I admire you so much for declaring this truth over your life as you marry that sweet guy.
Friend, you look stunning. Everything about you is just perfection. Pinterest ain’t got nothin on this incredible ceremony. I can’t wait to dance like crazy with you and your new HUSBAND in a few hours.
I’m with you and I’m for you. Go get him.
I’d love to hear from you, friends. If you are single, is this something you think about? If you are married, how have your friendships evolved?
My friendships have definitely evolved and it wasn’t an easy process. I went from what felt like freedom to what felt like responsibility. It was also hard because we moved every couple of years for a while. But when you sink in and savor the relationships you have for each time and place, each season becomes a treasure of experience and transformation of its own. You can’t commit to many people for life. Only one. The others you commit to for a season.
That is such good perspective, Andrea. I admit I often worry about going from my current ‘freedom’ to ‘responsibility,’ like you describe. But what does feel freeing is the knowledge that all relationships can and will evolve, and that all of that works for our transformation and our good. Thank you for your voice!
What a beautiful post! I have been having these thoughts lately since one of my friends is engaged. I’m so happy for her, but realizing I have to share her was interesting. Then I thought about the rest of my friends all getting married and kind of flipped. It makes me cherish our girls night and fun, random moments all the more.
Definitely! Thanks for reading, Vanessa 🙂 hope you’re doing well!